Just yesterday, you toddled out of your bedroom in the warm sunlight of morning, unsteady on your feet, with a diaper hanging down to your knees needing to be changed. You saw me, and your eyes lit up – knowing everything that you needed to be happy, safe, content, nourished could be found in my eyes and arms.

It really was just yesterday.

So today, as you toss your beautiful long hair behind your shoulders, your eyes glowing with glitter mascara and grab your purse with a nonchalant ‘see ya later’ as you pull the car keys off the hook on the wall – know that I am trying.

I am trying to look into your eyes and not see the infant that I nursed, the toddler that I rocked to sleep, the kindergardner that I walked into school every day with tears streaming down your face, the adolescent that told corny jokes and had to be reminded to wear deodorant.

I am trying.

If I could ask one thing of you, it would be to let me down easy. To tread softly on this heart of mine, and to every once in a while let me know that while I raised you to be confident, and strong, and independant – you still need me just a little. Ask me for advice on how to wash your sweaters, or send me a text about a recipe that you want to make but need some hints.

When you are out late enjoying your young adulthood, take the 5 seconds to send me a text and let me know that you are alright, you are safe. All those years whenever I worried, it took little more than a walk down the hall to open a creaking door to see your face, the face of an angel – fast asleep and dreaming, warm and snug in a freshly washed bed laced with the fresh smell of fabric softener.

So much has changed for you. But for me, it remains the same. An undying love and devotion to you and your life. I am adjusting. I am learning how to navigate this new terrain where I am not needed as much. I am so proud of the woman you have become. But all I ask, is for you to let me down easy.

Let me down easy. Let me know you still need me from time to time. Let me know that you still like my hugs. Resist the urge to pull away when I place my hand on your forehead when you feel unwell. Let me kiss you goodnight. Even though you can do everything on your own, a testament to my dedication to making you complete – from time to time, let me do a thing or two for you. Let me be your person, your go-to. Never stop sending me those late night texts, or sharing your cares and worries with me. Let me feel useful for just a little longer.

I promise I am working on letting go. I am working on it. But in the meantime, ask me to cook you your favorite meal, even though you know how to cook it yourself. Listen to my advice without shaking your head and assuming I don’t understand because I am old. Continue to bounce through the front door unleashing all your stress and strife on me on those particularly hard days.

I am trying. Nobody told me about this part. No one warned me. No one mentions that after the baby that I feel in love with, after the child, after the teenager, comes the adult…who would need me less and less as the days go by. No one told me that the young woman you are today, would make me both burst with pride and mourn the loss of my purpose… and find my new one.